Like a big...pizza pie?

The moon hit my eye tonight. Not literally, although it would have made a heck of a story to tell. It was just up in the sky, looking all nice and detailed, when it decided to catch my attention. Then It decided to hide behind some clouds. The clouds started to glow. It was nice. That is all.

Grath...

Trying to find a comfortable mid-way point between God's grace and His wrath is getting rather difficult for me. God is so utterly repulsed by sin, but He has infinite grace. I can't make sense of it.

In other words, God doesn't fit into my box. Trying to make sense of Him makes my mind feel like it's imploding.

I can't really explain it, but I think I'm starting to appreciate the beauty of mystery.

In other news, I have a rather large box that I will no longer be needing. Any takers?

My summer, thus far...

A visual representation of how my summer is going, so people don't have to ask anymore.

Of course, 3 quarters of the summer have already passed. Perhaps the last leg of the journey won't be so disastrous.

Lost Keys

At this present moment in time, a set of keys to my house is meandering it's way across Toronto's sewage system. Earlier today, in quite a comical fashion, my keys decided to fling themselves from my pocket into a sewage drain. The likelihood of this happening to someone is probably about 1 in 100. I am that 1. And nobody was even around to laugh at the rediculousness of the circumstance, save for a passerby who pretended not to notice! Oie. I've also just become aware that there are chunks in my milk. Lost keys and chunky milk. If today was an episode in my short-lived daytime TV comedy, it would be titled Lost keys and chunky milk.

A single fly...

It's keeping me from sleep. I've expended more energy than I currently possess flinging my arms in the air in a feeble attempt to silence this tiny terror. Alas, to no avail. He mocks me, I'm sure of it. With every pass 'round my head, he scoffs at me, provokes me, ridicules me... All of which can be translated into a single bzzzt.

So simple a creature, yet it controls that which is a thousand times its size, and at least five times as smart. If only I could outwit the dastardly fly, somehow use his own weapon against him, I might have the slightest chance of salvaging some slumber from what is left of this night. An idea comes to mind. I prance around my room on my tippy toes, with my arms to my sides and my fingers agitating rapidly, so as to simulate the flappity-flap-flapping of wings. Then, I make an irritating buzzing sound and drive him out!

No...that's silly. It could be a her. I could lure it out with a seductive dance, kind of like the pied piper. Or maybe I could lure it with a pie. Or, perhaps hit it with a pipe. If only I hadn't given away that box of pies and pipes. Or perhaps, if the timing is*@!#&^(~BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT~(^$#!@*

Sorry, the fly interrupted my thought process by making a swift nose dive into my ear canal and back out. Don't worry though, the fly has made a safe trip and will be continuing to make rounds for at least as long as I'm awake. Where was I? Ah, yes. My box of pies. No, wait... I was writing in frustration over a pesky fly. Or was I talking about drain pipes? No, that doesn't make sense. I don't even know anything about plumbing. Yeah, yeah it was definitely about the pesky fly. I'm not sure where Mr. Buzz Buzz has gone, but I'm more than positive that he'll make his return triumphantly as I am just about to pass on into the realm of Z's. Or so he will think. It is then, that I will rise without warning, and clap my hands and say "No more, pesky flying demon! No more! In my palms shall you take your last breath, flap your last wing, and buzz your last song. Death to you, you silly...aw groooosss! Bug guts!" And then, and only then, will I be able to clean my hands on some tissue paper, and declare myself ready for a goodnight's sleep.

I could be in for a very, very long night.

Woe is me.

In the last 4 hours, I have been thrice screwed out of meals. I thought there would be some nice hearty food at the Parkway Youthgroup Reunion, but there wasn't. The desserts were great and all, but it just wasn't what I was looking for. Then a friend had the bright idea to drive to pickering and eat Denny's. The possibility of me getting Denny's (or anything to eat for that matter) made me salivate quite heavily, so I agreed. Denny's was closed. I came home looking on the brightside. I thought at least I would have some chicken burgers in the fridge to eat when I got home. After warming it up in the microwave, cutting my bun meticulously, and excitededly placing my condiments onto the burger, I took a bite. TOFU! To'freakin'fu. Oh, and it doesn't really count, but I also seem to have been screwed out of a percent of my milk. I think I'm drinking 1%.

My life sucks. Yeah, I could be living on the street right now. Yeah, I could be living on less than 1 meal a day. Yeah, I could be without a church to go to and celebrate. And yeah, I could be a little more thankful for the freaking awesome life I'm living. But seriously... TOFU! I seem ungrateful. I should work on that. So should the rest of North America.

I'm tired.

Gordon Ramsays Kitchen Nightmares isn't on tonight. I've grown a little addicted to the show. The drama is almost too intense, it makes me shiver. Honest to goodness, shiver. Apparently, FOX streams full episodes online, but restricts it's viewing to American's only. I guess I'll actually do a little sleeping tonight.

The cost of being free, can you say irony?

I'm finally free! Oh, how absolutely freakin' awesome it feels to be rid of school-related stress. I feel like a burden has been lifted off of my shoulders. I don't have to carry around a 35-pound bag for the next four months! Obviously, I also mean it in the vernacular sense. So you can take the burden analogy figliterally*. And what a nice day to be free. The sun is shining, the wind is nice and calm, the "JESUS!!!" man at Yonge and Dundas is even wearing a t-shirt with a nice summer vest! How nice.

Now I suppose the phrase "the cost of being free" isn't that ironic, now that I think about it. I guess if you were to only look at the surface structure of the sentence, cost and free seem to conflict. How can something that's free have a cost? The deep structure, however, brings about an obvious and very important realization: nothing is free. I did well on both of my exams (I think. I hope) and I'm now done, but it came with a high cost of stress and a week of shut-in-the-basement studying (for the most part). I was once a prisoner of psychology, but I've busted out man, Shawshank style. As I enjoyed my freedom on the way home, with the wind blowing through my hair and the stench of public transit occasionally wafting my way (which smells like b.o.), I decided to do my devotions.

My devotional book, which is absolutely amazing by the way, drew my attention to the book of Romans. The passage they cited was Romans 4:20-21. It was a nice testament to God's divine promises, and his assurance of their fulfillment, but my attention extended beyond the referenced verse and I continued to read. I had forgotten how free I was. Of course, not as completely free as I once might have thought. I wouldn't have it any other way, though. To be free of absolutely everything would be to be free from God as well; to be free from His divine promise, to be free from His undying love and abounding beauty. While we are free from sin, we are indeed still slaves to righteousness. Free will? Pfft, free will. Who needs it? Nowhere in the bible does it say that I have free will, but if it did, I'm sure I would rather be a slave to righetousness. "the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life." Holiness and eternal life? I get to walk with God for eternity. Sign me up, man... Sign me up.

Oh, the hidden fees of signing up. There's always that fine print. We are not made righteous at no cost. The ultimate price was paid, all for the ungodly, the lowly, the sinners. The impact of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, as if it wasn't strong enough already, is so much bigger when you consider who He died for. The King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Great High Priest, humiliated and seperated from God, all for us. A rough paraphrase from Romans explains that one would probably almost never die for a completely righteous person, and more than likely wouldn't even consider dying for a good person. Jesus died for the least of these. That's pretty huge stuff.

We don't get a free ride, though. Oh no. Complete and utter surrender of our lives to God is our price. And being a christian is by no means a way to make life easier. A while back, I overheard someone saying something along the lines of "she's a christian because it makes her life easier." This is a nice thought, and I only wish it were true. The fact is, christian living is probably one of the hardest things a person can do. Jesus talks alot about the persecution and hate that you will recieve for following him. All these things are pretty big prices to pay, but compared to Jesus Christ, there is no greater sacrifice. So I am gladly persecuted and hated on, I gladly surrender my entire life to God, and desire to do it each and every day that I live. I only wish I had the courage to do it so often. Indeed, as christians we suffer... BUT:

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us" Romans 5:3.

I really wish I could share my joy in this realization with absolutely everybody, and a few in particular. I wish, to those that struggle, might find at least a little bit of hope. I wish these things with 100% of my being, everytime I'm feeling down and out and I get picked back up by God's grace. I wish I could give this hope and peace to someone else. This depresses me often, the fact that I might rejoice while another suffers. Other than blog in an attempt at sharing my joy, I guess all I can do is pray, and pray I will.

Now time for a little irony. I just finished an english exam. I don't know what on earth would posess me to sit down and type a lengthy blog after speedwriting essays and definitions for over an hour. I don't know what on earth would posess me to do this, because God is not of this world.

"And at the garden's edge beneath a speechless sky As his friends slept, Jesus wept - and it's no wonder why. You wanna be set free? You wanna set me free?! Well that can only come from a union with the One Who Never Dies." O, Porcupine

I want babies.

Lots of them. Well, maybe just a few. I'll be happy to start with one... sometime in the future.
Anyways, this is the first time I've actually felt free enough to write a blog. It just so happens though, that I have absolutely nothing of worth to say.

In conclusion, this post is filler. Much like the filling in the pie I posted a picture of a few weeks ago.

Sleepless In Seattle (If Seattle was my basement)

I have to be up for 9 a.m. in order to start polishing up my tarnished essay, which needs to be done by 12 p.m. so I can get some driving done at 12:30 p.m. so I don't fail my drive test at 4:00 p.m., which will allow me to be in a good mood for 6:00 p.m. when I'll be at youth group.

Why am I here?

Well, because I'm sleepless in my basement, and my mind needs a place to go. I've resigned myself to the fact that anything else I put in my essay tonight will probably ruin it, so I'm letting it have a good night's rest. Aren't I just a thoughtful little guy?

I finally passed my grammar test, which mended the dirty wound inflicted by my low psychology test score. There's something to write cyberspace about.

Oh! and I cut my hair. It was a weird experience though. My head felt like it was peeing its pants when the lady was washing it. You know that feeling you get when you slowly become wet in a place you're not supposed to be? No? Just me, eh. Well, it made me laugh. I had to resort to telling her that my chuckle was due to a funny joke I heard on Leno (mostly because it's the first thing that came to my mind). There's no way she believed that.

It's time to force myself into a shallow slumber for 8 hours, when I'll have to pry my eyes open and my body out of bed, and face the day like a man. Wow, how I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. Sheesh.

Weak, So weak.

I just got a 50 on one of my psych tests. Yep, the lowest mark you can possibly get without failing. That's me.

Excuse me while I go throw up.

The Many Faces of 'iPat.'

While spending a morning in the RCC with nothing to do, I came across quite a few acronyms for iPat that differ from mine. Aside from 'I'm Pretty Awesome Today,' (which I only just made up) here are just a few of it's other meanings:

International Porcelain Artists and Teachers
Iowa Program for Assistive Technology
Information Protection Assesment Toolkit
Individual Personality Assessment Test
an Equation: (I)impact = (P) population x (A) affluence x (T); or I=PAT

It's also an Electrical company based in Ireland that specializes in portable appliance testing, and an industry performance analysis survey.

... I think I'm going to change the name of my blog.

Spicy Baconator.

I had it. And as a service to you all, I've decided to give you some very helpful advice:

Stay Away.

If the original wasn't bad enough for you, Wendy's decided to add what I hope are jalapeno's, and what I hope is some sort of spicy mozzarella cheese. The cheese, mind you, looks like a thin white slab of puke after a night of bad mexican food. It doesn't taste much better.

At least the original baconator, as disgusting as it was, had some sort of redeemable flavour to it. It's 'spicy' counterpart doesn't. It also gave me some stinky gas. Nobody would pay for stinky gas. I paid for stinky gas. I paid $8.92 for stinky gas.

Heed my warning, friend's. The Spicy Baconator is an evil force you ought not to reckon with.

Complete Beardom

Hm, this title could be read two ways: bear-dom, or beard-om... The latter is more appropriate and the obvious choice, but I just wanted to make 100% sure that the people who probably [don't] read this aren't anticipating a story about bears. I'm just bored on a saturday night, when I should be studying. Before you judge me on my unstudiousness*, let me state my position. In order to get any significant studying done between the time I get home from work and the time I go to bed, I would have to deprive myself of a few hours sleep. Studying for an hour just doesn't cut it. I'm not in the zone in an hour. I'm not even close. If the zone were a destination, I'd still be on the side of a dirt road with my thumb extended, trying to hitch a ride from the first gross trucker dude that finds me attractive. Geez, what a lose lose situation. Which is why, you see, I am in no rush to reach the zone. Now, onto the reason for this entry: My beard. It's still a baby, I'll confess. It has not reached it's potential yet, or more appropriately, the potential I wish it would have. I'm not posting this in an effort to brag, as you can probably tell my fuzz isn't exactly much to brag about. This is intended to live on when my beard does not. Sadly, my beard may not exist for much longer. I've been surprised at the result though. The concensus seems about 50/50 in the beard popularity vote. Maybe I could just keep half of it?

You'll notice that the picture is a tad small. Apparently, the flash snuck it's way up my nose and found some boogers to illuminate. I also apparently need a haircut. Maybe then, wheelchair bums won't run into me and call me a guitar-toting-hippie. Geez, who knew disabled people could be so bitter?

I’m blogging from Word!

This is just a test. I'm not sure how it works yet, but this could mean big tings. Big tings indeed.

Insomniapple pie.

I can't sleep when I have insane cravings for apple pie. I get insane cravings for apple pie when I can't sleep. I think I have a condition. I'll call it I.C.A.P.


I encourage anyone else who thinks they may have a similar problem to please come and talk with me. Perhaps the foundations for an I.C.A.P. support group can be laid.

In other news, my room is now heated. Apparently the heating vent was closed all this time. Go figure.

Beginning of the Weak

Hi. I'm sick.

I hate being sick.

Up until January of 2008, I was able to enjoy a nice streak of healthiness (minus stomach pains incurred during 'The Office' marathons and macaroni & cheese binging). Since January, however, I have had either a stuffy nose, a scratchy throat, or a disgusting cough that brings up phlegm in all the colours of the rainbow. Sometimes, I'm lucky enough to enjoy this triple threat all at once. This sucks for a couple of reasons:

1) I'm getting quite sick of the taste of my own snot.
2) I can't laugh without coughing up a storm.
3) I can't sing without coughing up a storm (the fact that I can't sing might be a blessing to some...but it sucks for me, k?)
4) My cat seems to think I'm some kind of monster*
5) I can't sleep.

I can't sleep, people. I enjoy my sleep more than I enjoy the company of [most] others. I've been so desperate to fall asleep, I've resorted to home remedies, or internet remedies rather, that my mom has received via e-mail. In all it's ridiculousness, every night I put Vicks Vapo Rub on my feet and go to bed with my socks on. This is a vain attempt at a peaceful slumber. It doesn't freaking work!! But every night I find myself lathering it on with the slightest morsel of hope stuck in the back of my mind... that it just might work this time. But apparently it's making my feet soft, so I guess it has a redemptive quality.

Now, instead of spending my day being productive in school, I'm at home waiting for my driving instructor to show up so he can help me cheat my way through lessons. Ok, it's not as bad as it sounds. I'm just signing papers saying I did my lessons in January rather than in March, when they expire... Whatever, it was his idea. I don't even know if I'm having a lesson today. I can never understand that man. The only words I've been able to process from him are contained in the phrase "TURN LEFT YOU IDIOT!!!" What? So I almost hit a bicyclist. He was wearing a helmet anyways.

I'm going to go attempt to do something valuable with my time. Although it is a Monday... maybe I'll just watch Evil Dead.

*this was not a Metallica reference. Both my cat and I hate Metallica. Wait... by acknowledging that Metallica has a DVD by the name "Some Kind of Monster", does that mean I just made it a reference? Shoot.

Direction

It's been almost a year since I've written in this almost-forgotten blog of mine. It's not that I haven't written because I've had nothing to say. Actually, I think the only reason I stopped was because the HTML coding of his page somehow got screwed up and I didn't want to deal with it. Regardless, I thought it would be appropriate to start writing again, so I am.

Even more appropriately, I'm doing this in my reporting class, as I'm supposed to be learning about where stories come from. My teacher just mentioned something about 'pulling the thread' and 'making the hole bigger.' I just pulled a thread from my sweater and thankfully, I have neither created a hole, nor made said hole bigger. Aha! A flaw in his analogy!

Needless to say, I've gotten into the habit of losing my concentration. So, why not do something constructive and direct my diverted attention to a blog rather than minute analogical flaws? Off we go.

The fact that I am writing this blog instead of listening to my lecture can attest to the fact that I'm not as thoroughly interested in the world of Journalism as I once was. The most interesting thing I did today was read some fresh graffiti in the bathroom stall on the third floor of the Rogers Communication Centre. (Why does graffiti always have to be about something gross?)

For anyone, losing interest in your course in year one out of four can be very disheartening. Add the financial strain of being a student, a dash of sleep deprivation, and sprinkle months of stressful assignments to the mix, you've got a dirty recipe.

The stress grows exponentially every night when my future is taken into consideration. I can't see myself reporting when I'm 25, so why am I spending more than I can afford on a university course that is meant to take me there? Heck, why not throw some irony into this atrocious concoction. I also have less and less time to find a summer job that will support this path of uncertainty. My grades aren't that good, and I have one more chance to pass a grammar test that I've technically failed twice, or I can't advance in my program. I've had a cold for the last 2 months that has been inhibiting my ability to sleep, study, and be otherwise more productive that I currently am. I also have this weird spot on my hand that I thought was a blister, but it's not going away.

Now before you call me a whiny baby and tell me to get a grip on reality, I'll have you know that I've already done so... or at least I'm trying to. In Matthew chapter 6, it tells us not to worry, because our Heavenly Father will take care of us.

"If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well".

I am a man of little faith. I know this verse well, but it's obvious that I'm not doing a good job of living it out. There are thousands of things in the bible that we are commanded to do, but I, like everyone else, choose to ignore most of them. This is me, taking the first step to becoming stronger and more disciplined in my faith. The best I can do is strive to remember those words every morning, and pray that my faith grows with each passing day.

I spilled mayo on my shirt just now. "Each day has enough trouble of its own." ...Darn right.

Affinity for the Sky.

There's something about the night sky... Something about it's vastness, it's infinite depth, and it's beauty that captivates me. I always have to catch my breath and compose myself when I look up to find a plethora of stars stretching across the sky, illuminating what would otherwise be a dark, desolate place. Yesterday night was unique, in that the clouds seemed to stretch out from the southwest and expand as they made their way across the sky. It reminded me of Pandora's box for whatever reason. Nevertheless, it was amazing. The clouds shrouded the moon, but not enough to hide it's presence. In fact, the moon seemed to grow bigger as it illuminated the clouds that surrounded it. The more I stare at the sky in complete silence and serenity, the more is revealed to me. Stars that were once clouded by the thick veil of light pollution start to trickle their light through. The blackness of space seems to stretch on and become evermore deep. Shooting stars make their brief, but thrilling appearances and satellites move almost undetectably across the heavens with their subtle beauty. A sense of serenity envelopes me and I feel at home. And all of this because I chose to simply take the time to look up. My affinity for the sky is completely lateral with my love for God. I find it impossible to look towards the sky and not see God absolutely everywhere. All the characteristics of the sky align perfectly with God, along with the feelings I have when I am in His presence. Staring into space is like looking God in the eyes, and just admiring His beauty. If we all just took a little time to admire our surroundings, I find that we would all be a little closer to God. He is everywhere. He is in everything. He is my everything.

2007

2007 is off to a good start.

It's the most fun I've had all year...what? Leave me alone!