Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Lost Keys
At this present moment in time, a set of keys to my house is meandering it's way across Toronto's sewage system. Earlier today, in quite a comical fashion, my keys decided to fling themselves from my pocket into a sewage drain. The likelihood of this happening to someone is probably about 1 in 100. I am that 1. And nobody was even around to laugh at the rediculousness of the circumstance, save for a passerby who pretended not to notice! Oie. I've also just become aware that there are chunks in my milk. Lost keys and chunky milk. If today was an episode in my short-lived daytime TV comedy, it would be titled Lost keys and chunky milk.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
A single fly...
It's keeping me from sleep. I've expended more energy than I currently possess flinging my arms in the air in a feeble attempt to silence this tiny terror. Alas, to no avail. He mocks me, I'm sure of it. With every pass 'round my head, he scoffs at me, provokes me, ridicules me... All of which can be translated into a single bzzzt.
So simple a creature, yet it controls that which is a thousand times its size, and at least five times as smart. If only I could outwit the dastardly fly, somehow use his own weapon against him, I might have the slightest chance of salvaging some slumber from what is left of this night. An idea comes to mind. I prance around my room on my tippy toes, with my arms to my sides and my fingers agitating rapidly, so as to simulate the flappity-flap-flapping of wings. Then, I make an irritating buzzing sound and drive him out!
No...that's silly. It could be a her. I could lure it out with a seductive dance, kind of like the pied piper. Or maybe I could lure it with a pie. Or, perhaps hit it with a pipe. If only I hadn't given away that box of pies and pipes. Or perhaps, if the timing is*@!#&^(~BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT~(^$#!@*
Sorry, the fly interrupted my thought process by making a swift nose dive into my ear canal and back out. Don't worry though, the fly has made a safe trip and will be continuing to make rounds for at least as long as I'm awake. Where was I? Ah, yes. My box of pies. No, wait... I was writing in frustration over a pesky fly. Or was I talking about drain pipes? No, that doesn't make sense. I don't even know anything about plumbing. Yeah, yeah it was definitely about the pesky fly. I'm not sure where Mr. Buzz Buzz has gone, but I'm more than positive that he'll make his return triumphantly as I am just about to pass on into the realm of Z's. Or so he will think. It is then, that I will rise without warning, and clap my hands and say "No more, pesky flying demon! No more! In my palms shall you take your last breath, flap your last wing, and buzz your last song. Death to you, you silly...aw groooosss! Bug guts!" And then, and only then, will I be able to clean my hands on some tissue paper, and declare myself ready for a goodnight's sleep.
I could be in for a very, very long night.
So simple a creature, yet it controls that which is a thousand times its size, and at least five times as smart. If only I could outwit the dastardly fly, somehow use his own weapon against him, I might have the slightest chance of salvaging some slumber from what is left of this night. An idea comes to mind. I prance around my room on my tippy toes, with my arms to my sides and my fingers agitating rapidly, so as to simulate the flappity-flap-flapping of wings. Then, I make an irritating buzzing sound and drive him out!
No...that's silly. It could be a her. I could lure it out with a seductive dance, kind of like the pied piper. Or maybe I could lure it with a pie. Or, perhaps hit it with a pipe. If only I hadn't given away that box of pies and pipes. Or perhaps, if the timing is*@!#&^(~BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT~(^$#!@*
Sorry, the fly interrupted my thought process by making a swift nose dive into my ear canal and back out. Don't worry though, the fly has made a safe trip and will be continuing to make rounds for at least as long as I'm awake. Where was I? Ah, yes. My box of pies. No, wait... I was writing in frustration over a pesky fly. Or was I talking about drain pipes? No, that doesn't make sense. I don't even know anything about plumbing. Yeah, yeah it was definitely about the pesky fly. I'm not sure where Mr. Buzz Buzz has gone, but I'm more than positive that he'll make his return triumphantly as I am just about to pass on into the realm of Z's. Or so he will think. It is then, that I will rise without warning, and clap my hands and say "No more, pesky flying demon! No more! In my palms shall you take your last breath, flap your last wing, and buzz your last song. Death to you, you silly...aw groooosss! Bug guts!" And then, and only then, will I be able to clean my hands on some tissue paper, and declare myself ready for a goodnight's sleep.
I could be in for a very, very long night.
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